How to Raise Resilient Catholic Kids
If you google ‘how to raise resilient kids’ you get a lot of advice: let your kids struggle, teach them about their emotions, allow for natural consequences. The list goes on, but for me it all feels a little superficial. There has to be more to it.
Let me back up for one second and tell you when this concept of raising resilient kids forced its way into the conscious part of my brain.
I was driving to the gym with my two little ones strapped into their car seats. The two-year-old’s screaming voice filled the back seat. She didn’t have hands to get her chocolate milk (because she was sitting on them). I told her she had to do it herself, and she disagreed. So I turned up the radio. Sometimes you just can’t win.
“How does he sleep at night? Mama, the nerve of this guy…” covered my baby girl’s protests, and tears stung the back of my throat. I felt an overwhelming urge to protect my babies at all costs. (Hormones do weird things. This song had never had this effect on me before.)
BUT THEN, I realized I probably needed to do the opposite. Because I want to raise kids who can recover from heartache, who can stand on their own two feet and face adversity. Kids who know they are loved unconditionally, not just by me, but by the Church, by God. But who can also pull themselves up when they need to.
So, how do we raise resilient Catholic kids?
Most of the google advice I’ve found is sound. At the very least, it’s a good starting point. But looking in the mirror has taught me much more than any google search.
I was not a resilient child. On the surface, I was good at most things I tried and rarely failed at anything. I got straight A’s, excelled in dance, and had a huge group of friends.
But then one day, two of those friends decided they didn’t like me anymore. They wrote letters to me telling me they didn’t want to my friends. I was utterly devastated. I had never had to deal with interpersonal conflict before. In my world, friends didn’t have conflict. If there was conflict, they weren’t my friends.
Fast forward to my dating years, I had some pretty awful boyfriends. Who didn’t? But again, any sign of conflict and I’d bail. Or I’d try to change myself so there wasn’t any conflict anymore.
Conflict Can Be GOOD
Ultimately, I learned that conflict isn’t a bad thing. I just didn’t have the toolkit to face it well.
And today, I think that toolkit is called resiliency. I didn’t know how to be resilient.
Catholic Toolkit for Resilient Kids
A Catholic toolkit for resilient kids all boils down to two things: encouraging them to talk about hard stuff, and building a solid safety net to catch them when they fall.
Pray Together
You may already pray with your kiddos, but when it comes to raising resilient Catholic kids, two parts of prayer stand out:
- Tell God something you’re grateful for
- Tell God something you need help with
Take turns and say it out loud. This is particularly important because I think our kids need to hear that we need help, too. (Obviously, make it age appropriate.)
Side note, don’t accidentally make it a passive aggressive attempt to get your kid to do something. “Lord, please help me find a way to get Johnny to pick up his toys,” is a no go.
Disagree In Front of Your Kids
My parents never disagreed in front of my sister and me. While I fully support showing a united front, we never learned that it’s ok to disagree with someone you love.
Now of course there is a time and place for this. And YOU need a healthy relationship to do this well. But next time you and your husband disagree on something small, talk it out in front of your kids.
Not only will you model a constructive disagreement, you will show them that your home is a safe space to express their views.
Foster Their Godparent Relationships
Confession: I’m totally jealous my kids have Godparents. I wasn’t raised Catholic, so while I have a sponsor (who’s totally amazing!), a tiny part of me feels like I missed out.
Godparents present an amazing opportunity to build up your children’s resiliency. Do everything you can to help that relationship flourish long before it’s time for Confirmation.
Spoiler alert, there will be times when your kids don’t want to talk to you about their problems. But hopefully, if they have a great relationship with their Godparents, they will have an outstanding confidant you know has sound Catholic morals.
Get Involved at Your Parish
You’re busy, I’m busy, everyone is busy. But taking the time to participate in Church events outside of Mass can help extend that Catholic safety net for your children.
The Church is our home. And the more you can relay that feeling to your kiddos through friendship and community, the more likely they will be to turn to the Church when they need help.
You know that saying, it takes a village to raise a child? Well, I think it takes a parish to raise truly resilient kids.
Don’t Hide the “Bad” Stuff
I’m getting deep into my love of country music here, but have you heard the song “Mama’s Broken Heart” by Miranda Lambert?
Go and fix your make up, girl, it’s just a break up
Run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady
‘Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
Yeah.. we didn’t talk about “bad” feelings in our house when I was a kid. And all we ever saw was the silent treatment. Don’t do that.
Your kids need to learn how to handle all their emotions in a healthy way. And they do that by watching you.
This is hard for me. Like really, really hard. And there’s a balance, as with everything, of what to show the kids.
They don’t need to see a nervous breakdown. But it’s ok for them to know that I’m sad sometimes and there isn’t a specific reason. It’s ok for them to see me take a couple deep breaths when I’m getting frustrated. And if they see me yell when I’m angry, then I apologize and see that I make mistakes, too.
How are you raising resilient Catholic kids?
Please leave a comment and let me know! We can all build this Catholic safety net together and raise some really resilient kids!
